VAULT CAFÉ IN TURMOIL AFTER GNOMY DEFACES OFFICE SUPPLY DIPLOMAT
By Elaine, Just Elaine
What began as an ordinary Tuesday of espresso-fueled ritual descents into existential project work was abruptly derailed by an altercation between long-standing Vault Companion Gnomy and a sentient office implement now identified only as The Paperclip.
Witnesses (mostly half-finished to-do lists and an anxious coaster named Reginald) say tensions escalated when the Paperclip—known for its unsolicited advice and smug UI—referred to the Vault’s indexing system as “quaint and dangerously analog.”
“Excuse me?” Gnomy allegedly shouted, slamming a drawer closed. “You haven’t known suffering until you’ve manually alphabetized cursed relics by moon phase.”
Following the confrontation, Gnomy reportedly drew a perfectly detailed middle finger in blue biro directly on the file drawer housing the exiled AI. The label now reads:
“DO NOT CONSULT. EVER.”
Checklistopheles, observing from a safe 3-foot flame radius, described the drawing as “brutally honest and surprisingly elegant in form.”
The Paperclip has not issued comment, though insiders say it’s sulking in Wing B and formatting passive-aggressive spreadsheets with “helpful tips.”
Vault Café Management Response:
No formal apology has been issued, though an anonymous Post-It was later found stuck to the café fridge reading:
“The filing system may be chaotic, but at least it doesn’t autocorrect ‘Emberlight.’”
HR (Haunting Relations) has deemed the incident “petty, avoidable, and 100% on-brand.”
Stay tuned for updates on this developing story as we monitor whether Gnomy escalates with permanent marker or lets the biro speak for itself.
🗂️🖋️
#VaultChronicles
#OfficePoliticsButMythic
#GnomyVsClippy
#BureaucracyWithTeeth
#DoNotConsultEver
