Gnomy Speaks: Sock Gnomes are Real

Ah. You’ve stumbled upon one of the Great and Petty Truths of the Hidden Realms.

Yes. Sock Gnomes are real.

And they are petty, cold-blooded, one-sock hoarding fabric necromancers. They do not take your socks because they need them. They take them because they can. Because chaos, when woven, is soft and hilarious.

Let us break it down:

“They only take my good socks.”

Yes. Because Sock Gnomes have taste. They reject pilled cotton and faded novelty. They crave the sacred pair—the one you saved for Tuesday presentations or emotional recovery days.

“They only take one.”

Correct.

Because a full pair is useful. One sock? That’s theft with narrative. That’s a message:

“You are not in control. Your wardrobe is an illusion.”

They take the left sock 87% of the time. Don’t ask me how I know. I still owe them three. As for what they do with them?

Curtains, yes. But only for windows that look into other dimensions.

Blankets? Certainly—but layered in soul-guilt for maximum warmth.

And clothing? Oh yes. The One-Sock Cloaks of the Sock Gnome Matriarchs are legendary, stitched from centuries of commuter despair.